The Hunt
by Sandwichfairy
Summary: Naruto, and his growing entourage, are looking for the letter Sasuke stole from him. Hilarity ensues. Or not. Crackfic. Xover with DN, FMA, Harry Potter, SZS and Starwars.
1. Chapter 1

"Give it back!"

"Nu-uh"

"Don't be so immature"

"Maybe I will"

"EMO!" Naruto said as a last resort.

"I'm not emo!" Sasuke cried and went to his emo-corner.

"Yeah right..." Naruto said, poking Sasuke with his foot. "I didn't even know there was a corner there."

"Ho-how could you Naruto!" Sasuke sobbed and crawled further into the corner.

"It was surprisingly easy..." Naruto said thoughtfully... "Now give me my letter, stupid emo!"

"I-I-I can't!" Sobbed Sasuke. "I gave it to Kiba!" He thought awhile. "And I'm not emo!"

"NOOOOOOOooooooOOOOooo!"

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Sasuke drastically changed mood.

"What! Can't I have random dramatic NOOO's?"

"Not without a license!"

"Damn it! Mine just went out. Where is the license-ninja when you need him?"

"I think he's on vacation... Anyway I now have to take you down to the police-ninja for the horrible acts you've committed!" Sasuke took out the handcuffs he always keeps in his back pocket.

But then they realized that they were in a fanfic, with just the two of them. And handcuffs! So being genre savvy they threw in another character to stop this from becoming some really badly written bondage-slash fiction.

"...which brings me to the subject of frogs. Wait! Why did I randomly show up here?" A very confused Kabuto asked.

"Plot-no-jutsu" claimed the writer. No-one dared complain.

"But-" Sasuke tried to complain, luckily he was interrupted by Naruto who put a sock in his mouth. A smelly old sock...

"My sock!" Kabuto exclaimed.

"Sock-no-jutsu" Naruto said proudly," Very effective against talkative emos".

"Mmmphm!" Sasuke said wisely.

* * *

In another part of the fanfic, Sakura suddenly stopped doing whatever she was doing. Actually scratch that she so useless, she wasn't doing anything. Not that anyone cares.

"My Sasuke-senses alerted! I must save him! By passing out, as usual." And so she did.

"Oh my!" Said Rock Lee who was passing "She really is useless"

* * *

Back to the interesting characters. Naruto had left Sasuke in the emo-corner, with the sock still in his mouth to search for Kiba. Kabuto was not pleased.

"Give it back!"

"Nu-uh"

"Don't be so immature" Naruto said angrily, trying to suppress the feeling of deja-vu.

"Maybe I will!"

"FREAKY DOG-LOVER!"Naruto cried as a last resort.

"I'm not a freaky dog-lover!" Kiba cried and went to cry in the paws of his dogs.

"Yeah right..." Naruto said poking Kiba with his foot. "I didn't even know there was a dog there."

The dog and Kiba growled, disturbing the flash-back.

"NOOOOOOOO!" cried the writer.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

"What! Can't I have random dramatic NOOO:s?"

"Not without a license."

"I have one!" The writer proudly presented it. Annoyingly continuing to break the fourth wall! And commenting it!

"But how?" Asked Kabuto, he had left Sasuke to his emoness. "How is that even possible?"

"Plot-no-jutsu!" This statement earned both Ah:s and Oh:s from the Death Note characters that happened to pass by.

Why were they there you ask? Plot-no-jutsu, you should have learnt that by now.

"We're getting off topic. Give me my letter!" Naruto said wisely.

"How wise..." N pondered.

"Wise indeed" L answered.

Naruto bowed.

"However wise, I can't!" Kiba said.

"And why is that?"

"I gave it to Hinata!"

"WHY?"

"A robot from the future told me."

"Surprisingly good reason." thought Light.

* * *

Hinata was a good girl. And irrationally hated by the fandom. Poor girl...

Well maybe not so irrationally.

"Give it back!"

"W-w-what?" Being completely retarded she couldn't even say the nu-uh expected of her...

"You're ruining the fanfic!" Naruto complained.

"It was ruined paragraphs ago when it became a stupid Death Note crossover." Kabuto muttered (Yes for some reason he was still there)

"HEY!"

"Shut up Light! Its true"

Light muttered something no one cared about and went to join Sasuke in the emo-corner.

"Back to the plot!" Naruto said wisely (yes he is OOC, who gives a damn) "Don't be so immature!"

"Bu-bu-but Naruto! I'm not t-that am I?" Hinata would still not stay to the script...

"HOW HARD COULD IT BE! JUST SAY 'Maybe I will'"

"M-maybe I-I will..?" Hinata honestly tried, but failed. Miserably...

"ANNOYING MARY-SUE!" Naruto cried as a last resort.

"Bu-bu-but Naruto! I'm not t-that amI ? Hinata would STILL not stay to the script...

Naruto sighed and put a sock in her mouth. "Sock-no-jutsu!" Everyone cheered!

"But now we will never know where the letter is!" A mary-stu from another fandom (something about dragons I think) called.

"Sock-no-jutsu!" Kabuto tried, but failed. He threw a shoe instead.

"You fail at life!" Naruto did the maneuver properly and the stupid dragon guy returned to his own fanfic in defeat. Everyone cheered!

He did have a point though. So L gave Naruto his letter-GPS. It was in yet another fandom!

"NOOOOoooOOOO!" Kabuto cried.

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

"What! Can't I randomly have dramatic NOOO:s?"

"Not without a license!"

"Bloody hell, I did not know that!"

"Why so British?"

* * *

In yet another fandom...

"Look brother! I found a letter!"

"Give it back!" Naruto randomly popped in.

How you may ask, plot-no-jutsu!

"Nu-uh!"

"Don't be so immature!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Finally someone who can stay to the script!" Naruto shouted in glee. "Alright... SHORT...person"

"I am not so ridiculously short that you would be lucky to even see me through a microscope!" Edward cried and went to transmute a chair to stand on.

"Yeah right..." Naruto said poking him with his foot, careful not to break any of his small bones. "I didn't even know there was a chair here..."

"Brother, why are there ninjas in your room?"

"I don't know Al, I honestly don't know..."

"I'm not a ninja!" Exclaimed Matsuda.

"You're not?" Naruto turned to him in horror. "You lied to me?" He went to cry in the emo-corner.

"I didn't even know there was a corner here..." Al said, wondering about the lack of logic. He had liked logic. It was such a nice part of a story. It went well with plot too, which he hadn't seen much of either.

"I didn't mean it!" Matsuda said and went after Naruto.

"Where did the plot go?" Kabuto asked confused "Can you just give us the letter?"

"I can't! I gave it to Ran Fan"

"WHY?" The robot from the future asked.

The other robot next to him said something that sounded like "beep-beep-blip-beep-bliiiip" .

"But R2 that doesn't make sense! EdWin is a way better pairing!" C3PO complained.

"When did this become StarWars crossover?" Edward asked, drawing his light saber.

"NOOOOOoOOOOoooooOOOO!" Rock Lee cried.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

"What! Can't I have random dramatic NOOOO:s?"

"Not without a license!"

"In that case I challenge you to a cooking-off!"

"Okay...?"Obi-wan said, still no logic in sight.

"I'll be the judge!" Naruto, suddenly gotten over Matsuda, chirped happily.

* * *

"...And the winner is... Rock Lee! For his fabulous curry ramen!" Naruto announced.

"But I made Baked dru'un slices in fish sauce!" Obi-wan cried in despair.

**A/N:**

Dun. Dun. DUN!

What will happen!

Will Sasuke stay emo?

Yes, yes he will… That was a stupid question…

R&R or be a bad person…


	2. Chapter 2

**From Sasuke with Love ch.2 **

"Give it back!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Don't be so immature."

"Maybe I will!"

"Whore!" Naruto cried as a last resort.

"Really, you're that unimaginative?" Ran Fan asked.

"I used up all my good insults already…"

"They weren't that good." Kabuto informed.

"Why are you still here? Seriously!" Obi-Wan asked though no one really cared.

"Anyway I gave the letter to my pen pal, Leia." Ignoring the logic that clearly stated how impossible it was for someone from Xing to mail to a galaxy far, far away.

"Hey! What'd I win anyway?" Rock-Lee cried in despair.

"SHUT UP!" Everybody cheered.

"Anyone have a spaceship?" Al spoke.

"Blip-blop-bloop-blep bleep-blip-blyyp"

"What? How? That's just sick! Pineapples are not supposed to be used in that way!" Naruto looked at R2D2 in utter disgust.

"He said we have a ship!" Jack Sparrow exclaimed.

"No, no he was talking about pineapples." C3PO said slowly, still slightly in shock.

"Well still, I have a ship!"

"SHUT UP!" Everybody cheered happily.

-.-

On the ship everything was quiet. Yeah right, Naruto was there.  
Everybody was having a deep discussion about if pineapples really could be used that way, and if L would try it. L declined. For now…

"I'm captain, I give orders!"

"It's my ship! My rules!"

"It's my map!"

"That makes you…MAP-MAN!"

"It's my letter!"

"That makes you nothing!"

"Just someone without a letter."

"Shut up, MAP-MAN."

MAP-MAN muttered something while walking through time and space to get to the emo-corner.

-.-

"Seriously, am I going to get something or what?" Rock Lee said to himself, in despair.

"Talking to yourself in despair, huh?" Nozomu Itoshiki patted him on the shoulder. "I'm the fucking master of talking to yourself in despair."

"In that case I challenge you to a cooking-off!" Rock Lee cried, hoping that he would actually get something this time.

"SHUT UP!" Everybody yelled, in despair.

"I'm in despair; the cooking-off has left me in despair!"

"There, there." Kabuto smiled, still here. "It's just like the fro-"

But he was rudely interrupted by Jack Sparrow shouting in glee. The feeling, not the show. We haven't sunk that low.  
Yet…  
I think…

"WE'RE HERE!"

-.-

"Give it back!"

"Who are you, orange-clad stranger. And nu-uh!"

"Don't be so immature."

"Maybe I will!"

"INCESTAL BUN-HAIR!" Naruto cried as a last resort.

"I'm not incestal!" Leia cried and went to kiss Luke. Not denying the bun-hair.

"Yeah right." Naruto said, poking Leia with his foot. "I didn't even know there was a Luke there…"

"H-H-How could you, orange-clad stranger?" Leia sobbed.

"It was surprisingly easy…" Naruto said thoughtfully. "…Now give me my letter, stupid bun-hair!"

"I can't!" Leia cried. "I gave it to Kabuto!"

"NOOOOOoooOOOOOOooO!" Kabuto cried in despair.

"WHAT? You had it this whole time and didn't tell me?" Naruto was outraged. "I thought I could trust you…"

"Y-Y-y-you ca-an tru-st m-me, N-Narut-to." Hinata said tried to speak.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Mello shouted. "CAN'T YOU SEE HE IS TALKING TO KABUTO? WHO, MIGHT I ADD, IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU!"

"Why thank you, mysterious blonde person who I have never met!"

"My letter…"

"I'm so sorry!" Kabuto said, hugging Naruto closely. "I mailed it, by mistake… Please forgive me!"

"Kabuto..I-"But he didn't get the chance to finish for Matsuda violently yanked him out of the silver-haired ninjas grasp.

"Matsuda..I-"But he didn't get the chance to finish for Kabuto violently dragged him from the black-haired officers embrace.

"Kabuto..I-"But he didn't get the chance to finish for he was interrupted by Edward.

"Where did you mail the letter, Kabuto?" Everybody glared at him.

"Now you ruined the moment!" Rock Lee accused. "I just got my camera to work!"

"Don't worry, I got it on my Nintendo." Matt calmly said. "It has a camera. It's awesome!"

"I send it to…" Kabuto made a dramatic pause, not appreciated of Luke who hit him in the head. "…Dumbledore."

"!" Luke fell to the floor.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Leia asked.

Luke shrugged. "I just like saying that."

"Do you have a license?" Kiba asked with interest.

"YYyyyeeessss."

"Oh…" Kiba was not pleased.

-.-

"Give it back!"

"What? Freak!" Hermione pointed at Mello.

"Hello?" Naruto waved a hand in front of the rude student. "I'm talking to you! Not him!" He pointed at Mello.

"Nu-uh!"

"Don't be so immature."

"Maybe I will!"

"NERD!" Naruto cried as a last resort.

"I'm not a nerd!" Hermione cried and hid behind her books.

"ÜBER NERD!" Mello shouted in glee.

Kabuto stared at Hermione for a moment. "That isn't Dumbledore."

"It isn't?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Kabuto said. "I'm sure."

-.-

"Give it back!"

"Oh. Hi, Naruto." Dumbledore said. "…and hello to you too, Matsuda, Kabuto, Kiba, Jack, Leia, Luke, Mello, C3PO, Near, Edward, Matt, L, Ran-Fan, Pineapple, Itoshiki, Alphonse, Hinata, Rock Lee, R2D2 and Akamaru." He took a deep breath. "Where's MAP-MAN?"

"He walked through time and space to get to the emo-corner."

"Sounds like him. Sorry I don't have your letter, I gave it to Voldemort."

"To who?"

"The dark lord."

"Orochimaru?"

"Kira?"

"No, it must be Darth Vader!"

"No, I'm still talking about Voldemort."

"Oh…"

"So… Where does he live?" Naruto asked wisely.

"Would you stop doing that?" Rock Lee was seriously getting freaked out with all this wise-talking.

"Good question!" L praised.

"Privet Drive 5."

-.-

Back in Konoha Sakura was still unconscious. Ino had poked her with stick a while ago, she got bored quickly and left to go bowling.

-.-

"Are you going to hunt he-who-must-not-be-named?" Harry asked.

"Orochimaru?"

"Kira?"

"No, he must mean Darth Vader!"

"Actually we're looking for Voldemort."

"Can we come with you?" Luna looked dizzy as usual. It must have been the pumpkin earrings, they looked heavy. She should have gone with radishes. Sirius looked serious.

"Sure, I guess." Naruto said politely. "I mean they did."

"They didn't even ask…" Kabuto said while sneaking his arm around Narutos waist.

"LIKE YOU DID!" Matsuda cried in indignation.

"…"

"What are you shouting about?" Draco shouted.

"We're going to catch the dark lord!" Harry chirped in delight. "It's my mission in life!"

"To catch Orochimaru?"

"No, Voldemort, really."

"Oh, 'cause you really need to make that clearer."

"Well I'll go with you, I don't have anything better to do…"


End file.
